He uses pillows to masturbate.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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