a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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