I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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