Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
