The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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