it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
