What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
