Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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