This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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