gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
