kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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