remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
