i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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