WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
