Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
