I just made out with a guy for $7.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
