No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize