never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
