omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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