I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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