You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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