Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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