Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
