Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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