Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
