Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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