awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
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I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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