Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
