Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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