the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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