That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
