walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
