Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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