Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
