Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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