Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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