Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
