I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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