wanna go halves on a baby?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
