pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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