Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
