Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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