Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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