I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
