I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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