chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
