dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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