yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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