People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
