Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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