Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
