I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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