I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
