3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
