i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
