you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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