a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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