News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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