i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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