so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
