Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
