Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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