He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
