drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
