I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
