We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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